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Friday, October 16, 2009

"Nice Guy" Syndrome

Have you ever heard that old adage "Nice Guys
Finish Last?"

Well, I'm here to tell you that saying is 100%
true! But not for the reasons you may think.

Being a "Nice Guy" with women doesn't work,
not because you get too caught up in what a
girl wants and get stuck as a friend, but
because Nice Guys are typically very, very...

SELFISH!

That's right. When you're a "Nice Guy," you're
not really being nice, you're being EMOTIONALLY
GREEDY.

Let me explain...

One of the biggest problems guys who are
struggling with women face is something I
like to call "the Nice Guy factor."

so little self-esteem, that they base their
own self-worth on what other people THINK OF
THEM.

These guys are at the mercy of everyone else
in their lives, so they try their best to
please the people around them, hoping
they'll continue to think highly of them,
so they can feel good about themselves.

That's not so bad, right? It feels good when
others approve of you, doesn't it?

Most people look at this behavior and would
instantly categorize these poor men in the
"Nice Guys" column. After all, they're the
ones who don't like conflict. They're the
ones who don't want to make waves. They're
the ones who want everyone to be happy.

They are also some of the most selfish people
on the planet.

Seriously. I know this because I used to be
one of these people, and I know all their
dirty little secrets! And the point of this
newsletter is to make everyone who thinks of
themselves as "nice" or as a "victim" really,
really pissed off!!!

All of you "Nice Guys" out there reading this
are nothing more than "people pleasers."

Somewhere in your life, you found out that
pleasing people is a way to get other people
to like you and admire you so you can feel
good about yourself.

Whether it was the acclaim of your parents,
or the acceptance of your friends, somewhere
in your time on this planet YOU LEARNED to
feel good based on what other people think
of you.

But I'm here to tell you that using other
people's feelings and goodwill like that
is not only harmful, but dishonest!

Anyone who says "I can't stand conflict!"
or "If you can't say anything nice, don't
say anything at all!" should do us all a favor
and move to the planet "Ideal" where life
is wonderful, we all have transparent heads,
and there is no war.

Only on this planet will you be able to find
that everyone is willing to give you the moral
support you need.

But that's the crux of the issue right there.
All you "Nice Guys" have a losing mentality
about your need for support. Your methodology
is: "I am so loving and giving and nice, I
expect you to treat me the exact same way as
I treat you!"

Here is the typical thought process of Nice Guys:

--"Don't disagree with me! It's not fair because
I do so much for you!!!"

--"Please be sympathetic and comfort me when I'm
upset! I'm needy and can't comfort myself."

--"Always be in a good mood. I am always trying
to make you happy and if I can't, I feel ashamed
and mad at you!"

--"Pay attention to me when I need it! I've earned
it after all I've done for you!!!!"

--"Take care of me by doing what I'm afraid to do!
I take care of you, so you need to return the favor!!!!"

Look at those thoughts above, and ask yourself "If
someone was saying that to me, how would I react?"
Now you know where women are coming from when they
don't want to have relationships with "Nice Guys."

Once that happens and the needy demands of "Nice
Guys" go unmet, they fall into the deep pits of
self-pity and depression.

They also feel a lot of shame and anger at their
failure to please the women they want, and though
these "Nice Guys" can keep their pleasant demeanor
up for a long time, their resentment of the women
they want to please will grow and grow until it
explodes in anger and rage, either directed at
others, themselves, or both.

This kind of mentality can extremely damage your
self respect and cause others to not want to be
around you.

So what's a "Nice Guy" to do?

If you want to have success with women,
you need to stop being agreeable and instead
be straightforward and honest, especially
when you have to go against the wishes
of others and disappoint them.

You can do this with kindness and sensitivity,
but you MUST do this nonetheless.

Only by being honest, with yourself and with
others, will you be able to overcome the selfish
"nice guy" habits you have adopted in your life.

And when you do this, you will stop caring about
what other people think of you because the source
of your validation comes from the fact that you're
being true to yourself and straightforward with
others, and you will cease to harbor resentment
and anger, and have more self respect and less
depression.

That is the only way I have found to truly stop
being a "Nice Guy" and become the type of man
other people can respect. It can be hard being
honest with others (especially yourself), but
in the end it is far more rewarding than any
other behavior you can adopt.

credit to : click here

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