"Nice Guy" Syndrome

Have you ever heard that old adage "Nice Guys

Finish Last?"

Well, I'm here to tell you that saying is 100%

true! But not for the reasons you may think.

Being a "Nice Guy" with women doesn't work,

not because you get too caught up in what a

girl wants and get stuck as a friend, but

because Nice Guys are typically very, very...

SELFISH!

That's right. When you're a "Nice Guy," you're

not really being nice, you're being EMOTIONALLY

GREEDY.

Let me explain...

One of the biggest problems guys who are

struggling with women face is something I

like to call "the Nice Guy factor."

so little self-esteem, that they base their

own self-worth on what other people THINK OF

THEM.

These guys are at the mercy of everyone else

in their lives, so they try their best to

please the people around them, hoping

they'll continue to think highly of them,

so they can feel good about themselves.

That's not so bad, right? It feels good when

others approve of you, doesn't it?

Most people look at this behavior and would

instantly categorize these poor men in the

"Nice Guys" column. After all, they're the

ones who don't like conflict. They're the

ones who don't want to make waves. They're

the ones who want everyone to be happy.

They are also some of the most selfish people

on the planet.

Seriously. I know this because I used to be

one of these people, and I know all their

dirty little secrets! And the point of this

newsletter is to make everyone who thinks of

themselves as "nice" or as a "victim" really,

really pissed off!!!

All of you "Nice Guys" out there reading this

are nothing more than "people pleasers."

Somewhere in your life, you found out that

pleasing people is a way to get other people

to like you and admire you so you can feel

good about yourself.

Whether it was the acclaim of your parents,

or the acceptance of your friends, somewhere

in your time on this planet YOU LEARNED to

feel good based on what other people think

of you.

But I'm here to tell you that using other

people's feelings and goodwill like that

is not only harmful, but dishonest!

Anyone who says "I can't stand conflict!"

or "If you can't say anything nice, don't

say anything at all!" should do us all a favor

and move to the planet "Ideal" where life

is wonderful, we all have transparent heads,

and there is no war.

Only on this planet will you be able to find

that everyone is willing to give you the moral

support you need.

But that's the crux of the issue right there.

All you "Nice Guys" have a losing mentality

about your need for support. Your methodology

is: "I am so loving and giving and nice, I

expect you to treat me the exact same way as

I treat you!"

Here is the typical thought process of Nice Guys:

--"Don't disagree with me! It's not fair because

I do so much for you!!!"

--"Please be sympathetic and comfort me when I'm

upset! I'm needy and can't comfort myself."

--"Always be in a good mood. I am always trying

to make you happy and if I can't, I feel ashamed

and mad at you!"

--"Pay attention to me when I need it! I've earned

it after all I've done for you!!!!"

--"Take care of me by doing what I'm afraid to do!

I take care of you, so you need to return the favor!!!!"

Look at those thoughts above, and ask yourself "If

someone was saying that to me, how would I react?"

Now you know where women are coming from when they

don't want to have relationships with "Nice Guys."

Once that happens and the needy demands of "Nice

Guys" go unmet, they fall into the deep pits of

self-pity and depression.

They also feel a lot of shame and anger at their

failure to please the women they want, and though

these "Nice Guys" can keep their pleasant demeanor

up for a long time, their resentment of the women

they want to please will grow and grow until it

explodes in anger and rage, either directed at

others, themselves, or both.

This kind of mentality can extremely damage your

self respect and cause others to not want to be

around you.

So what's a "Nice Guy" to do?

If you want to have success with women,

you need to stop being agreeable and instead

be straightforward and honest, especially

when you have to go against the wishes

of others and disappoint them.

You can do this with kindness and sensitivity,

but you MUST do this nonetheless.

Only by being honest, with yourself and with

others, will you be able to overcome the selfish

"nice guy" habits you have adopted in your life.

And when you do this, you will stop caring about

what other people think of you because the source

of your validation comes from the fact that you're

being true to yourself and straightforward with

others, and you will cease to harbor resentment

and anger, and have more self respect and less

depression.

That is the only way I have found to truly stop

being a "Nice Guy" and become the type of man

other people can respect. It can be hard being

honest with others (especially yourself), but

in the end it is far more rewarding than any

other behavior you can adopt.

credit to : click here